My weeks before Christmas

It was raining outside and I checked my calendar, guess what? Christmas is less than 50 days away. Excited and mellow at the same time. The second year Dad’s not around anymore. He was never really fond of celebrations, but still I miss him more during Christmas.

I had a weird dreams with him in it two weeks in a row. The first one was that he was gently caressing my cheek with the back of his hand while I was half asleep. I woke up in the middle of the night and felt confused. It felt so real. Just so you know, all my life he was the only man who always did that to me. It’s always comforting and that’s always how he eased my anger.

The other dream was weird. Somebody told me that he saw my Dad somewhere so I asked him to show me where he is. We went on a quest to find my Dad and ended up finding him chatting and laughing with a bunch of strangers with some drinks on the table. I said “Pah!” and he said, “Oh halo sayang! Guys, this is my daughter.” So I shook hand with everybody on that table and I woke up. 🙂

Last week was also a quite bizarre week. There were a lot of misunderstandings, mishaps and it was surely a roller coaster week for me. But amazingly, the more things went wrong the more I know myself better. One thing for sure, based on past experiences, if God is about to teach me something new, I always have to learn it the hard way. Never know why it always has to be like that, but most probably because He knows I’m so stubborn and hard like a rock. I’m ok with that, because He knows best.

The terrorist attack in Paris followed by the social media saga where people were complaining why Facebook only provide France’s flag for the profile picture, and so on. How people start to connect everything that happened to religion. How some amazing people tried to explain it but got buried in an ocean full of misleading thoughts. I have couple of paragraphs to respond to that, but I choose not to. Potatoes will potate anyway! It’s saddening how human’s mind can grasp and justify the concept of taking lives of other as a way to emphasize your statement. It’s so saddening that it creates anger in my heart. No good.

You know what is really essential lately? I pray more than I used to be. It soothes me a lot. Sometimes I only whispered “God, can I just be happy?”. Funny how His answer was through the new song titled “Wanna Be Happy?” from Kirk Franklin’s new album. Pretty amazing, right?!

So, let’s start the countdown for Christmas. On my wish-list: Sony Alpha 7 and new Kindle. Fingers crossed Santa is reading this post :-p




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