Love on Top

It’s only a couple of hours until 2016. I’m having a good day so far. I watched tv and slept, a lot. Earlier today I glanced across the living room and landed my sight on a picture on the wall, my dad. He’s smiling. It was taken during my brother’s wedding party a couple of years ago. And then there’s a little bit of pain on my chest, I whispered “why did you leave me so soon?”. That’s where my reflection of the year 2015 began.

I realized that I’ve finally made it through the entire 2015, safe and sound. It’s not a stellar year for me personally, but I learned so many new things, about life. To sum it up, after my dad passed away I entered 2015 with wounds, they were already bad that I avoided so many conflicts because I thought I wouldn’t be able to bear another pain in addition to what was already there. As a result, I mastered how to adapt to people and situations. I did it so wonderfully that I forgot about myself all the time. I was focusing too much on not getting hurt and avoiding frictions. I held myself back too much that I turned into someone I didn’t recognize anymore. I tried to fit in to people’s mind, to accomodate their needs of my existence. I lost myself along that process.

And so I’ve learned that I can be kind and strong at the same time. Kindness is putting others before yourself, true, but you cannot let yourself got lost while doing that. People will always take as much as you are willing to give and furthermore sometimes they are even mistaken your kindness for your weakness.

So, putting yourself first does not make you a bad person. Even if you have to encounter frictions and disputes because of it, it’s ok. Life is not supposed to be like a smooth sailing, we will not grow if we don’t face difficulties. What’s most important is that you don’t grow bitter, that you will keep loving anyway. You comprehend that in this sweet bitter life, the best way to go through it is always by having so much love in your heart. So put love on top. On top of all.

My wish for you and me for 2016 would be that no matter what comes our way, we will have the love in our hearts. So at the end we will be able to say: I went through good and bad things, I learned a lot and yet I made it through because my heart is full of love and joy.

Happy happy new year, dear friends and families! God bless!

-Sara Sihaloho-

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